Jamaican politicians have no sense of humour whatsoever.
They are in general arrogant (especially when they are the party in power), pompous, petty, and tedious. They constantly bicker among themselves, while we, their loyal subjects, sit and watch the show. Yes, Jamaican politicians do smile and laugh sometimes - but mostly in a self-conscious and condescending way, when they are handing out benefits to the long-suffering populace. If they are on one of their self-congratulatory tours of the country, they find elderly ladies of insufficient means in rural areas particularly amusing. Young children have to be placed in their arms, to be cuddled for the camera. They patronise young people who are trying to take up a cause, or schoolchildren who have passed their exams. Well done, youngsters! Pat on the back.
Of course, I should hasten to add, the above doesn’t only apply to Jamaican politicians. It’s just the way politicians are, even if they started off as relatively decent people. But I am afraid the smiles are “plastic smiles” and they can’t work, as the reggae band Black Uhuru once sang… And we don’t find them funny.
During the last UK general elections (what a rapid fall from grace for Mr. Starmer!) there was a candidate named Count Binface. He claims to be an “intergalactic space warrior.” I think he is on Substack! His self-deprecating humour (obviously he didn’t expect to win) was so refreshing (and very British, I suppose). He had a proper manifesto, which included some crazy things, like bringing down the high price of croissants and that British ice cream with a chocolate flake stuck in it. He was happy to garner more votes than a ghastly right-wing party. Behind it all there is a touch of seriousness; but he is funny, in a sly, satirical way. Social commentary, if you like.
Now, Count Binface is on tour and apparently it is going well. People enjoy a good laugh - and they enjoy laughing at our political process and those who occupy space in it, too.
In Jamaica, we don’t have that opportunity. Count Binface is an independent (along with several other rather nutty characters who shared the stage with the “serious” British politicians) - and we don’t really like independents over here. You have to be a member of one or the other of the Two Tribes - the green-hued Jamaica Labour Party and the orange People’s National Party. Nothing else counts.
So, if you are neither green nor orange (or perhaps a bit of both) there must be something wrong with you. You must have a label stuck on you, so that you can be reviled, trolled on social media, or laughed at (in an unpleasant way) by the supporters on the other side of the green/orange coin. Or perhaps threatened, especially if you are a journalist.
And so our dreary politics drags on; and then commentators wonder why so few people vote (our last general election had the lowest turnout ever).
It’s tiring, and oh so uninspiring. I wish we had a Binface.